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jowji:

tylephjoser:

my mom thought otp meant “oh, the pain.”

what’s the difference

I desperately want to marry a guy like him

rexuality:

I hate being told to do something I was already planning on doing

like I was all about doing this task, and then you told me to do it and now i am annoyed and this task is now 300x less likely to be completed

so i was in the bus with this granny by my side when we spotted two girls kissing by the bus stop. the granny turned to me and said “these girls are so pretty. at their age i was pretty ugly. well, maybe that’s why i had to marry a man” i almost died omg

dippity-do-not-touch-me:

once my sister got rejected for a job at a web design company that she really wanted to work for so that night she hacked into their website and redirected it to her blog and the next day the CEO called her and hired her on the spot so moral of the story: if at first you don’t succeed, hack their website and make them beg for mercy 

furansketch:

image

image

(This joke will never not be funny :V)

nonespark:

A STREAKER CUT THE ACTUAL CONTESTANT OFF AND BLEW THROUGH IT LIKE HE’S SONIC THE FUCKING HEDGEHOG WHAT THE FUCK

nonespark:

A STREAKER CUT THE ACTUAL CONTESTANT OFF AND BLEW THROUGH IT LIKE HE’S SONIC THE FUCKING HEDGEHOG WHAT THE FUCK

emir-dynamite:

sharkchunks:

iandsharman:

notahoe:

my type of public transportation 

“Why were you late in today?”
“Oh, I got tied up on the subway…”

I was always 50/50 on whether to reblog this but the last comment pushed it to like 95/5 in favor.

"What’s our stop?"
"You’ll get off when I tell you to."

emir-dynamite:

sharkchunks:

iandsharman:

notahoe:

my type of public transportation 

“Why were you late in today?”

“Oh, I got tied up on the subway…”

I was always 50/50 on whether to reblog this but the last comment pushed it to like 95/5 in favor.

"What’s our stop?"

"You’ll get off when I tell you to."